Entry 13

In all of the 15 years I have been living, I can't really count the times I have been soul searching.
And what I mean by soul searching is the finding God kind of thing. Wondering if he is really here, with us or the if the concept of God is just something for us human beings to hold on to.
Just something for us to believe in.

Well, in the times that I have been soul searching, I just happen to pop a question to my family, friends, old friends, enemies, random people, you know anyone.
"Is God here with us?"
These are some of the responses I have recieved:
"Of course He is! Are you kind of some freaking atheist?! Come on let's finish the Rosary."
"Ahahahahahahahaha, are you kidding me? He doesn't FUCKING EXIST ya hear me?"
"Uy wag mo sabihin yan baka marinig niya tayo. Kung ano ano pa mangyayari sa atin."
"I don't know. And I frankly don't care because I've been doing fine with out Him."
"Putaragis kang bata ka! Wag ka magisip ng ganyan."
"Because God loves you and me I know He's here."
"He is. Sometimes in weird ways. But He is."
"I ain't sure really. If He's here or not, I know I've been able to get by."
"Sure He is. I know so because of 2 things. 1) Look at all of the good that has been happening. Heh I know that's him. 2) Look at all of the shitty things that has happened to me, I know He's biting my ass to keep me in shape."
"Hahaha I'll believe so if money comes out of thin air and a chorus of angles come with it."
"Ah bahala na kung dyan naman siya o hindi, nadyan naman ang mga kaibigan at pamilya ko. Yung kaya ko lang gawin ay pasalamatan siya eh."
"Sana naman nandito siya, nakakapamura talaga minsan, sana di naman tayo iniwanan dito."
"Maybe so, I'd like to think He's here. To see the good we've done and help us in sustaining them. But sometimes I wish he wasn't here at times, because he might see the crappy things we've done in this world."
A yes, a no, a maybe, a fuck off and alot more types of responses.

Still after all of these responses, I still can't really find my answer to that question.
Because after all you do have to wonder, with all this crap happening to us how the hell can he be here?
With all the disasters, sickness, wars, deaths how the hell can He be here?
He can't possibly be here right?
Maybe, maybe so. But what I think is that He's here to see us change. Maybe He's not directly trying to change us.
Just like a bike He gives us our training wheels, but He has to take them away so we can learn.
In spite of everything, in spite of being flung into the cesspool of life, He is probably there waiting for us to stand up.
After all life is about learning, and one of them is learning to stand up again.
So I guess my answer is yes.
Although I may sound like a crazy asshole when I say so, I still say with conviction:
"He's here. I can feel it. Hey he may be an asshole be sending us all this crap. But He's a wise nice asshole. I think He knows what He is doing by waiting right here with us."